The most rewarding and beautiful thing in the world is to have true frens. True friends are like gems in any setting. They can be counted upon at anytime and anywhere. But, most people are often in such a hurry that they don't take the time and effort to cultivate true friendships with people.
To win true friends, one must develop EMPATHY for others. Empathy is the capacity to be involved in a person's thoughts or feelings. People who empathise are attractive in personality. As butterflies are drawn instinctively to flowers, people are attracted naturally to people who think or feel with them. To those who are happy, the very presence of an empathetic friend will seem to double their happiness. To those who are sorrowful, his or her presence will seem to half their sorrows.
In human relationship, people who build mental walls that cut others off live a dull, lonely and empty existence. To live a rich and rewarding life, these mental walls must be torn down and replaced with mental bridges that cross boundaries into hearts of others.
Wall are pulled down and boundaries crossed when we begin to "walk a mile in our shoes." When we do so, we start to understand why people feel, think and act the way they do. We will be able to see beyond their outward behaviour to the circumstances that caused it. If they are unpleasant in manners due to bitter experiences in the past, we understand them and thus, we will not judge them unkindly. If they seem rough or uncultured because they did not have the good fortune to go through the kind of childhood we had, we will feel with them instead of condemning them. This is EMPATHY in action!
Building bridges to a person's heart is like putting your boat to land on an island, going around until you find a "suitable spot". This spot is the area of a person's interests. His interests are what makes him "tick". To find the "spot" of his interest, you need to listen and understand the deep meaning of his spoken words and actions. Put youself in his shoes, feel his emotions and think his thoughts.
Don't be confused over sympathy and empathy...they are not the same. When you sympathise with someone, you FEEL FOR him and GIVE IN to him out of pity. In Empathy, you FEEL WITH and GIVE IN yourself to him because you really care for him. Few people like to be sympathised or pitied. However, most people will be deeply moved when they receive empathy from others.
Check yourself to see whether you are empathising as you shld or "walking a mile in their shoes"
a. as a son or daughter, how often do you feel with your parents the heartaches and headaches of raising and keeping the family going ???
b. as a parent, how often do you realise how much your children need your presence and your nderstanding of their needs???
c. as a husband or wife, how often do you stop to think how badly your spouse needs your time with him/her and the reassurance of your love for him/her ???
d. as a brother or sister, how often do you feel with the other members of your family their personal problems in life ???
e. as a friend, how often do you ponder over what your friends' dreams and aspirations are ???
f. as an employee, how often do you see yourself in your employer's difficulties and your colleagues' pressures of work???
g. as an employer, how often do you feel what it is like to be in your workers working environment, conditions and terms ???
When we truly feel with people and give ourselves to fulfill their needs, strong relationships and true friendships will grow and flourish.
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